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BDSM for Beginners

November 14, 2022 5 min read

The ultimate guide to everything you need to know about BDSM for beginners

The term BDSM has been around for a long time but it exploded and went mainstream ever since the movie Fifty Shades of Grey aired. However, even with an increasing amount of people coming to know of the term itself, its still widely misunderstood.

Today’s post seeks to address exactly what BDSM is and everything else about it.

Intro to BDSM

The term BDSM refers to: Bondage and Discipline (B&D), Dominance and Submission (D&S), and Sadism and Masochism (S&M).

All of the above are referring to specific types of sexual behaviors, or in other words, one type of kink. 

Common Misconceptions of BDSM

One common misconception of BDSM is that it involves abuse and violence: this is not the case. Consent is key, so everything done to one or another has full knowledge of all the parties involved.

BDSM involves varying degrees of infliction of pain and even physical restraint. It is all done voluntarily and, most importantly, with consent.

Another myth and misconception of BDSM is anything that has whips, ropes, and handcuffs is considered to be BDSM. This isn’t entirely accurate. It’s true that BDSM may involve the aforementioned items, but they’re not necessary to be considered BDSM for beginners.

Many people engaging in D&S can derive pleasure from mundane things such as their outfits, exercise routines, etc. In addition, it is also a fact that BDSM doesn’t necessarily involve sex.

Consent and Safe Words in BDSM for Beginners

It has been established that BDSM only happens with consent from the parties participating. This, then, begs the question to exactly what extent are the parties consenting to. 

In order to address this issue, the safety mechanism of “safe words” is introduced. 

Safe words are usually ordinary and unrelated. They’re used in order to indicate that you would like whatever is going on to stop.

A safe word could be “pineapples”. Once someone in the middle of a BDSM play says the safe word, they want to stop.

In addition to the safe words mechanism, some are also fond of the “traffic light” system. 

It refers to the usage of the three lights found on an ordinary traffic light, namely red, yellow, and green. 

To give you a simple breakdown of how it works:

  • Red – This usually means that the person is uncomfortable with whatever is going on and would like to stop immediately.
  • Yellow –When someone is fine but is pre-emptively warning that they would soon be reaching their limit. This is particularly useful in instances where pain is involved.
  • Green – It refers to an instance where the party is okay and would like to keep going.

Many pair the “safe word” and the “traffic light” mechanism to stay safe while enjoying to their hearts’ content.

How To Come Up with Some BDSM Ideas

Now that you’ve understood the basics of BDSM for beginners, the next thing on the checklist would be to come up with some BDSM ideas.

Before getting to the part where you plan, it is important to plan a BDSM “scene”.

The word “scene” refers to the scenario or the actual play where the action begins. This is the part where both parties agree to what they would like to do.

It is important to understand that a BDSM scene should be something that both parties consent to and it isn’t always the case that you would be able to get to do everything you like. it usually involves a degree of compromise and understanding for a BDSM scene to be successful.

Now, to come up with some BDSM ideas, below are some steps you can take:

Pre-BDSM

  1. Talk it out

This is fairly simple and is the starting point for all healthy and successful relationships.

Get your partner, sit down, and just have a talk over what you would like to happen and, most importantly, where you draw the line and would not like it.

Although a talk is pretty common, you need to take this seriously as a badly communicated BDSM scene may set the wrong expectations and result in a bad experience and end up ruining something that was meant to be pleasurable and enjoyable.

Now, it is also the case that when planning out a BDSM scene it may end up as a situation similar to a negotiation. This is completely normal and is a good indicator that your BDSM scene would turn out great.

This is because both parties are vocal and willing to communicate as to what they would like to see happen and what they wouldn’t like to see happen. Hence, resulting in a situation similar to negotiation as both parties barter back and forth until they reach a BDSM scene they are happy with.

During BDSM

  1. Getting into the scene

This is the part where the action takes place and it may involve just about everything from giving out orders to handcuffs and whips. 

One of the most vital steps which some skip is to take a brief moment before the BDSM scene occurs to mentally collect themselves and to go over what would be happening.

This can end up in a situation where one party unintentionally ends up going overboard and doing something that wasn’t communicated and agreed upon.

So, it is good to take some time to get into the “zone” and just relax for an erotic and pleasurable time!

Post-BDSM

  1. The Aftercare

This is where the BDSM scene occurs and you’re both done. 

This is also a step that some tend to skip and it’s a big mistake to do so.

To have a great BDSM session, it is just as important to talk about it before and after the play.

However, the aftercare doesn’t just involve talking. Due to the nature of BDSM plays, it isn’t uncommon for pain to be involved and sometimes minor injuries may occur. Thus, it is of utmost importance that icepacks are handed out and wounds tended to.

In addition, if it is a more intimate session, you may opt for a little cuddle where you both reflect on the BDSM scene and discuss what went well and what could’ve been better. This contributes to future BDSM plays to make it better.

Conclusion to BDSM for Beginners

BDSM is often misunderstood as something extremely violent and abusive. The truth couldn’t be further.

It is a type of erotic play that emphasizes self-expression and exploring your desires. In this age and time where the aforementioned values can be repressed and shifted aside, BDSM plays are a good way to get back into that and discover yourself and even your identity.

If you found this topic interesting and you’d like to experiment yourself, check out our BDSM collection.